Alcoholic Spouse What Happens When Only One Spouse Decides to Quit Drinking Alcohol?
August 31st, 2010 Filed under: Alcoholic Recovery — Addiction Recovery AuthorIt is very bad luck for a child to be born into an alcoholic family that has one alcoholic parent. However, it is truly the worst luck to have two alcoholic parents.
As a psychiatrist that specializes in addiction, this is not an uncommon scenario. Not only are their children at twice the genetic risk of developing an alcohol problem, the chance of both alcoholic parents remaining clean and sober is not very high.
Here is a case from my psychiatric practice:
M.F. and S.V. met in college. At that time, every one around them was drinking and using drugs so that their drug and alcohol use did not stand out. However, they are both thirty years old now and have a son in 8th grade and a daughter in 4th grade. M.F. and his wife S.V. have continued drinking excessively with no significant periods of sobriety (except S.V. during her pregnancies).
M.F. is a successful entrepreneur and his wife is a stay at home mom. They go out with friends almost every night and basically use and abuse alcohol. M.F. decided to get a psychiatric evaluation because he feels depressed and anxious over his financial difficulties. His formerly successful business took a downturn during the tough economic times of the last several years.
I prescribed a medication to prevent alcohol withdrawal and explained that an antidepressant would not work for his depression if he continued his alcohol abuse. I explained that alcohol is a central nervous system depressant and actually causes depression.
He committed to staying clean and sober for 8 weeks, but would not agree to go to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. He just wanted to try to quit drinking alcohol for several months to see if he could do it.
M.F.’s mood improved significantly after 4 weeks on an antidepressant medication. He had minimal cravings for alcohol (I put him on an anti craving medication as well). He was much more much effective at work and faced problems as they arose. He said he felt on top of his game.
However, his home life was stained. He no longer drank alcohol when he and his wife went out to dinner with friends. His alcoholic wife continued to get drunk right in front of him. Many times, he often left early without her or chose to stay at home with their children.
His alcoholic wife continued her alcoholic behavior. She drank nightly with friends and slept a good part of the day. On several occasions when he was out with her, he almost had an alcohol relapse. He felt angry and resentful watching her drink.
M.F. tells me he is very judgmental toward his alcoholic wife even though he has had a significant alcohol problem himself for so many years. Now that he is clean and sober, he realizes that his wife spends her time either abusing alcohol or suffering the effects of alcohol. She barely participates in the family other than getting their children to and from school. The children have essentially been raising themselves.
Conversely, his alcoholic wife complains to him that he is acting self- righteous about quitting drinking alcohol even though he has been clean and sober for such a short time. M.F. confides in me he is thinking about divorce unless his wife chooses to quit drinking alcohol.
This case illustrates the strain on an alcoholic family when either the alcoholic husband or alcoholic wife begins recovery before the other one follows suit. The spouse in alcoholic recovery quickly sees the tremendous impact of alcoholic behavior on the family and is no longer as tolerant or supportive of his/her addicted spouse.
In my 21 years of practice, the best scenario is for both alcoholic spouses to be recovery together. If one of the alcoholic spouses refuses to quit drinking alcohol or will not consider any alcohol treatment options the chance of the alcoholic family staying together is very slim. Families Anonymous is an excellent 12 step program to help alcoholic families.
Dr. Sarita Uhr is a psychiatrist that specializes in alcoholism and addiction. If you think you or someone you know has a spouse with an alcohol problem, click the link alcoholicspouse to sign up for her free report on, “The 5 Proven Methods For a Healthier Marriage With Your Alcoholic Spouse”. It may save your family’s life. The information in this report gives you very simple strategies that could very well save your marriage. Dr. Uhr’s method has stunning results.
