Looking For Happiness In The Bottom Of A Twelve Pack
May 16th, 2007 Filed under: Uncategorized — Addiction Recovery AuthorFor many years this is exactly what I did, but had no idea that I was doing it. I thought I was simply being “normal”, because it’s what everyone did. I mean, everyone likes drinking beer, right? As far as I was concerned, there were very few people alive that didn’t enjoy having a beer or three. Of course, I enjoyed having more than a beer or three on most occasions. The truth was that I enjoyed having much more than a beer or three, which in my estimation is how many people are.
Was I an alcoholic? I have no idea, I don’t like to make distinctions like that, but I know I drank everyday. As a matter of fact, right before I stopped drinking I tried to recall a day in which I didn’t have a beer, and couldn’t! The way I saw it, it was all good because I did a good job at work, was never late, and was well liked. Then something happened to me.
My 2 year old daughter came to live with Dad full time. When this happened I simply couldn’t see being a bad influence on her, in any way. So I stopped drinking. I didn’t cut down, or only drink a beer or two. I stopped. I figured I couldn’t tell her the evils of drinking, while I was sucking on a beer? It simply made sense to me to not be a bad influence in any way, and that included drinking alcohol.
Now that my head’s clear (for the first time in 15 years, I might add), I look back and say, “WOW”! I was looking for something in beer, that beer would have never given me. If it would have given it to me, I think it would have, for God’s sake it had 15 years! What I was looking for was happiness. To me, drinking was fun and made me happy, but obviously this was a lie. Waking up in the morning and feeling like I’d been hit buy a truck wasn’t all that fun. And now that my head’s clear the idea of sitting around and bitching about the affairs of the day don’t seem like much fun either, although at the time this was one of my favorite pastimes.
It’s funny, because now that I don’t drink, I don’t associate with any of the people that I used to. This wasn’t a conscious choice; it’s just how it turned out. The entire process is interesting to me. For 15 years I was looking for happiness in the bottom of a twelve pack, only to realize that happiness was with me the entire time, I just couldn’t see it. All I know is that sleepwalking through life is not the way to live. If there’s one thing that I’m sure of, it’s that!
