Addiction Recovery

Alcohol and Alcoholism – What Do We REALLY Know About Alcohol?

Blackouts

Do not remove his bottles from their hiding place, because when he goes to hide more, it will indicate to him the extent of his drinking, if his head is sufficiently clear to identify such sickness.

Alcoholics suffer from blackouts and do not always remember where they have hidden their bottles, often concealed when drunk and he cannot remember where. Always there is the need to have yet another hidey-hole and we forget. Sometimes it is even better to bring one out of deep hiding, because you will most probably know where most of them are anyway, and put something for him into one of his more obvious and easily accessible hiding places, before he wrecks the house looking for it. He will, you know!

Blackouts need an explanation. In a blackout does not mean that they are lying down unconscious on the floor. Alcoholics can be walking about or sitting quietly, apparently having a reasonably normal conversation with you, whatever a normal conversation is with a drunk, drinking, and then later, when they are not drinking, remember nothing about it.

This is a blackout.

They can promise in all sincerity so that you will believe them to take you all to the beach in the morning and then in the morning, when you are all kitted up, ready to go, he arrives downstairs looking like something out of a horror movie and nobody is going anywhere. He knows nothing at all about it.

And, you are not going anywhere. For sure.

Also, it is often during these blackouts that the most violent scenes take place, and you wonder desperately why they do not believe you when you confront them with what they have said or done the next day, or in the morning, and you start to wonder if you are going out of your mind.

One handy thing to remember is not to put alcoholics to bed when they are in a state of collapse, as they think that all is well when they awaken to orderly surroundings, and once again when you try to tell them what they did, and what happened, they do not believe you, as they were most likely in a blackout again.

Waking up in bed, with clothes neatly and tidily folded on the chair, gives the impression that everything is alright, and this can often be far from the truth.

If they fall asleep on the stairs, or on the settee, or on the floor, or slumped over the table just make sure that their clothing, their tie, belt, collar and any other tight items are undone, and that they are in a safe position and not lying directly on their backs, so that they hopefully will not choke on their own vomit.

Although you may be displeased with him, do this carefully and with love, for under all that alcohol and unacceptable behaviour he is still your partner, the one you married, and love and perhaps sleep with, and then when he awakes at three or four or five or six in the morning, perhaps on the kitchen floor, hopefully not still in a blackout, he may once again be able to see the extent of his drinking, and where it has taken him.

He cannot help his drinking.

He is powerless over his drinking.

He has no control over his intake of alcohol.

He might make the decision right then to do something about it.

No-one can ever know when that moment will arrive.

That moment of “Had enough of it all …..”

Remember that the basic plan behind all of our suggestions is to make him aware, and not to criticise or judge him. We know that he is sick, but he does not, and we can all help when he is ready.

By making him responsible for all of the things that he does when he is drinking we are doing the very best that we can for him. If we keep making him responsible for his conduct he will hopefully say one day “Enough” and put down the glass.

Everyone has a chance at this from time to time, but we do not make things tough enough for them, and they keep on having people doing things for them, and picking up the pieces all the time, so they do not have to stop drinking. As long as you continue to pick up the pieces, that is doing things for him, putting him to bed, giving him money, lying for him, fetching his booze from the off licence, cashing his cheques for him, going to the cash machine for him, jumping for him, dancing for him, and so on – nothing is more certain than that he will continue to drink.

Stop it.

Try one or two things …..

Do not continue to try to conceal what is happening in your lives, in your family and in your home. This is like trying to stop the rain coming down. Be honest. Stop denying what is happening.

Make him totally responsible for his drinking.

Make him totally responsible for the results of his drinking, no matter what they may be. Perhaps falling over in the street. Drinking and driving. Court appearances. Bailiffs coming.

Do not cover up anything for him. Stop lying for him. Do not apologise for him.

Try not to argue with him or to bring up controversial subjects for discussion with him when he is drinking. You cannot win an argument with a drunk. We know how difficult these things are but try them when you judge it right. You only will be the judge. No-one knows him and his moods better. You will know, better than anyone, when it is safe to talk to him about certain things.

When he is drinking or drunk and drinking and he wants to bring some controversial subject up for discussion, try saying “We will discuss this tomorrow morning” – or – “We will have a talk when you are not drinking!” Be positive. Agree. Tomorrow. He will be pleased with that. You agreeing.

Try not to use the expression “When you are sober” for it is not recommended. This implies that he is drunk, and even if he is, it is judgmental and he will deny it, and so an argument ensues.

Using “Not whilst you are drinking” most especially if he has glass-in-hand, refers to an established fact, and is not an opinion.

Try “Not whilst you are drinking” then, it can sometimes just stop things right there.

You cannot, in any case, successfully argue with a drunk who is drinking.

You will already be aware that your opinions are always questionable. Worthless.

You will already also be aware that your answers and comments are always wrong.

Not sometimes, as with reasonable people, but always wrong.

He has no thought processing that will allow you to be right.

While the drinking is going on all that we are trying to do is cool it. Cool things down, so that you do not find yourself snapping back and buying the full package.

When he has had enough one day and is not drinking it could be a good time to say to him that there is help for him from …

Alcoholics Anonymous

P.O.Box 1

10, Toft Green

York, YO1 7NJ

National Helpline Number 0845-769-7555

and in your local paper

Ken Grigor ez048-1248 20th June, 2008

If I can be of help to you, please call me in Plymouth on
Telephone Number 01752-350602
eMail kengrigor@blueyonder.co.uk
Nothing is ever too much trouble.
No time is inconvenient.
(nil onerosius, semper opportune)
= Ken G